Technology has entered into the marriage and family life. A majority of Americans own smartphones, tablets, laptops and computers. 81% of them have smartphones (McDaniel & Coyne 2014). These devices can be used for work, email, phone calls, texts, and keeping kids entertained while parents take a break. Technology can be beneficial for many reasons, but it can also cause problems in relationships. Technology and social media are making marriages more difficult than ever (Williams 2014). This fact sheet will inform you about the negative and positive effects of technology on your marriage and how to prevent it from becoming overwhelming.
Technoference
Technoference, a term that describes the daily disruptions caused by technology to your relationship with your partner, is a new term. Many of us today are so busy checking our email, answering phone calls, scrolling through Instagram or Facebook that we don’t realize the possible negative effects technology has on our relationships. You could have a bad day with your partner, share an interesting story or just be thinking about it while you scroll through Facebook and Instagram. What is the result? The result? McDaniel & Coyne (2014) found that technoference was more common in women than men. The study found that 70% of the 114 women involved felt that technoference had impacted their relationships. These are warning signs:
- Technoference is when there is negative work/family spillover (McDaniel & Coyne 2014). Spillover is when parts of your life come together, such as work stress affecting family life. It can be difficult to balance work and home from your smartphone, tablet or computer. Be at home once you’re home. You should make it a habit of putting down your electronics and spending time with your spouse or children.
- Technoference can lead to lower marital satisfaction (McDaniel & Coyne 2014). If you are prone to technoference, it is possible to lose your relationship with your spouse. It is important that spouses maintain a strong relationship by maintaining a daily connection.
- Here are some questions to help you assess how connected you are. What are your reasons for being on the device? What do you think your spouse feels when you use your phone during family time? (McDaniel, 2015). After answering the questions, if you feel that you have to change your habits, then do so! Both you and your spouse will reap the benefits.
What can I do to benefit my relationship with technology?
Although there are some negative side effects to technology, it can also be used to enhance your relationship. You have many options to connect with your spouse via social media, email and text message.
- John Gottman, a relationship expert, refers to a “bid of connection” as one his core principles for making a marriage work (2015). These “bids” refer to everyday interactions between people. Positive interactions are more likely to lead to connection. Technology can be used to make and respond to bids for connection in your day. You can connect with your spouse by sending them a text or an email. Posting a picture to their Facebook wall and publicly praising them for their achievements is one way. Another option is to take a snap on Snapchat and send it your partner. Or, you could share funny memes. These are all great ways to strengthen your relationship and connect with your partner during the day.
Keep these tips in mind
It is possible to get rid of the unhealthy habit we have of constantly checking our phones. These are some tips to help reduce your tech dependence.
- It’s okay to disconnect from technology every now and again. You can unplug your device when you return from work or after dinner. This will allow you to spend more time with your family and spouse. Ask them questions to build a relationship. Which was their favorite part of the day? What was the worst part of their day? The worst?
- Technology should not be allowed in the bedroom. Many couples find that their cell phones are the last thing they see at night, and the first thing they check in the morning. Experts recommend that beds be used for sleeping, sex and reading, not to spend too much time on your phone.
- Set boundaries with your spouse about how and where technology will be used. It is possible to decide that the dinner table will be a no-tech zone. Many parents have “techno-curfews,” which dictate that all technology must be turned off or turned on. However, it might be beneficial to establish similar curfews in the case of couples.
- Avoid the urge to constantly check your phone while you are talking or with your partner. Listen to what they say. Be there for them when they are down. Be happy for the positive. Pay attention to how they feel when you’re plugged in. It might be beneficial to discuss with your partner how technology can disrupt your relationship.
Don’t let technology get you down in a society that is heavily dependent on it. It can be difficult to break bad habits, even though it may seem impossible. It is important to stick with it. Your relationship will thrive if you put in the effort to manage your technology. This fact sheet can be shared with your spouse to help you both work together on overcoming unhealthy habits and developing positive habits without becoming overwhelmed by technoference.